Mon 29 Oct 2007
Submitted by YOUR NEW REALITY
The Simpsons go up and down in quality, and laughs, but Homer still delivers some of the best, and most, insightful observations of the human condition on television today, deconstructing the the role of the male in modern relationships and holding a mirror up to contemporary suburban society. Or whatever.
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I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.
When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
I?m a lonely insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun.
…you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
….what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk.
Here’s to alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles..
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power … like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
God bless those pagans.
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs…
…it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Jesus, Allah, Buddha. I love you all!
When will people learn. Democracy doesn’t work.
…everything looks bad if you remember it.
There are only so many times I can say sorry and still mean it
I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
